Lovin' the Spam

... no, not the kind in a can. Although this one should go in the can:

Catholic Underground Texas sent me an "invitation" to attend their conference in Irving, Texas. If you are keeping track, that is a 718 miles (or 1155.5 kilometers for you metric folks in Canada). Google says that it is a 12 1/2 hour trip by car.

Ummm ... yeah. No thanks.

Being a Traddy Trad man myself, I figured I would look at the list of speakers (or performers as the case may be):

Strike One: Fr. Stan Fortuna --'nuf said.

Strike Two: Franciscan Friars of the Renewal.

What?!? How can you, Jimmy the Hand, not like the FFotR? They are doing awesome work! And Fr. Benedict Groeschel is doing great things for the Church!

Well, let's just say that I know a couple of Capuchin Franciscans. You know, the ones abandoned by Fr. Groeschel to start the FFotR. Apparently, when Fr. Groeschel approached the Chapter to tell them he was leaving, they -- of course -- asked, "Why?". He said he wanted to reform the Franciscans, of which the Capuchins are already a reform. They said they would like him to stay and reform through them. He said, "No". Thus the FFotR.

Now, the common sense part of me says, "Huh?"

My guess/speculation/judgment is that there is not enough notoriety in reforming an already existing order. So much for St. John of the Cross, or St. Theresa of Avila ...

Being an old-skool man myself, if the Capuchins were good enough for St. Pio and Venerable Solanus Casey, why not stick with them? But I guess it is the post-Vatican II need for a reform of the reform of the reform et cetera ad nauseum.

Strike Three: Performances by "everybody's favorite funk band, Crispin"

umm ... brain ... hurts ... must not ... try to ... c.o.m.p.r.e.h.e.n.d (Where is William Shatner when you need him?)

Strike Four: Phatmas

If you don't got a problem with Phatmas, then talk to my brotha the Inquisitor, he can tell you all about them.

But that is four strikes! Everyone knows that it only takes THREE to strike someone out!

Yeah, I know, but bass-playin' rapper Fr. Stan Fortuna is a screwball. No one can hit that one, so they get a mulligan. (How is that for a mixed metaphor?)

You can try looking for me at the Catholic Underground Texas thingy, but I won't be there.