God's Desire for Marriage -- Part X

This is a talk that we gave at the St. Thomas Aquinas Society Conference God is Calling You By Name on August 3, 2007. I will post it in multiple parts for ease of reading.
An audio CD of the talk can be found at Holy Family Resources.

God's Desire for Marriage -- Part I
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part II
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part III
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part IV
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part V
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part VI
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part VII
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part VIII
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part IX
God's Desire for Marriage -- Part X

...

James:
Yet another decision to love is to seek forgiveness and healing in our relationships. Forgiveness and healing are a part of living intimately and responsibly. Recently, Chris and I had an argument about the location of the important papers on the computer desk. I spoke harshly and accused Chris of being the source of the stack on the desk. We then proceeded to yell at each other for the next 15 minutes, all the while becoming more entrenched in our respective positions and more defensive. During a time of quiet I realized that I needed to apologize for being mean in the first place. I approached Chris, put her hands in mine, and asked for forgiveness. Telling Chris that “I am sorry” is very easy, and is sometimes said just to free myself from the guilt. Then it’s up to her to “get over it”. However, asking for forgiveness offers Chris the chance to enter into the healing process. I am asking her for a response and putting the state of our relationship in her hands. In turn, I receive her forgiveness, which restores the both of us to wholeness. Asking for forgiveness is the first step in the healing process. Healing is not automatic. But healing cannot begin until someone asks to be forgiven.

Christine:
This afternoon we have covered a LOT of ground in a short amount of time. Through the Sacrament of Matrimony, God is calling us to live an intimate and responsible life with our spouse. We do this by making the daily decision to love in a myriad of ways, including listening with my whole self, risking to trust my spouse, fighting for the sake of our relationship, and asking for forgiveness to begin the healing process.
When we make daily decisions to love, we grow in knowing one another. When we feel loved by each other, and in love with each other, our passion grows. We laugh together more, touch in passing, and say kind things to one another. We go out of our way to show our affection to each other.

James:
Living out God's desire calls us to unity. Unity is being focused on the other and being inter-dependent, rather than selfish and independent. We are not talking about being joined at the hip, but really and truly joined at the heart. Unity is concerned with a love that encourages us to get rid of the chains that bind us as individuals, and become MORE as a couple. One beautiful summer afternoon, God called us to be a Sacrament together. So it is only through being an “Us” that we are able to be all God wants us to be. When Chris and I are intimate and responsible in our relationship, we are more open to God in our daily decision making. When we made our Marriage vows, it was our intention that God be the “third person” in our marriage. I often tell Chris that I like me better when I am with her. Our love for each other encourages me to be a better husband and a better father. When Chris is more, I am also more. This is the unity that God desires for all of us.

Christine:
James and I try to live our love for one another as a sign to the whole world. Your relationship with each other is not a solitary thing shared just between the two of you, or even just among your family. The love between you is a sign to us, your family, your friends – everyone – of the power of the love of Jesus moving in you and through you. Jesus taught us that his love forgives, respects, listens, and trusts. You share the love of Jesus when you do these things with each other and with everyone you meet. Christ can be visible to others through your love for one another when you go out into the world. He has given each of you your own special gifts unique to you. Maybe you are the only person who can touch the life of someone you know, someone whom no one else can reach.
So your choice is, Will I live every day the way God desires for my marriage, or live by what the world teaches about marriage. Is it worth your time, energy and comfort? The payoff is living a marriage with the same vibrant, living love you experienced in courtship.

James:
If you are interested in learning more about these concepts and other tools to make your marriage into the reality of what God desires for you, we invite you attend a Marriage Encounter weekend. We have information and registration for weekends available at the Marriage Encounter table throughout the Conference.
Marriage is an extraordinary vocation and way of life. We consider it a privilege to be called by God to a loving relationship that will help both of us get to Heaven.